To text your crush, start with something small and real: a thing that reminded you of them, a question they are the right person to answer, or a follow-up to the last time you spoke. Keep it to a line or two and make it easy to reply to. If the chat goes well for a few days, suggest doing something together. If they do not reply, leave it there.
There is no perfect first text and no perfect time to send it. The ones that work sound like you on a normal day.
Four first texts that start a conversation
"Hey" on its own gives them nothing to answer. Each of these gives them something.
1. Something that made you think of them
The easiest opener, because it is true and it explains why you are texting.
Just walked past a dog that looked exactly like the one you showed me. Same ears. Had to tell you.
They're playing that band you told me about in the café and I finally get it. What should I listen to next?
2. A question they are the right person for
Ask about something they know or care about. It is a compliment without being one.
You're the only person I know who actually runs. If I wanted to start and not hate it, what would you tell me?
Settle something for me. Is the second season worth it or do I stop now?
3. A follow-up on something they told you
It shows you listened, which is most of what liking someone looks like.
How did the driving test go? I've been wondering all day.
Did your sister like the present in the end?
4. A plain hello with a reason
If you hardly know each other, say who you are and why you are writing.
Hi, it's Dev from Thursday's class. You said you had notes from the week I missed. Any chance you could send a photo?
Hey, it's Kim, Laura's friend from the barbecue. I looked up that film you couldn't remember the name of. It's Paddington 2. You're welcome.
If you matched on an app, use something from their profile. The pickup line generator writes an opener from a real detail, not a stock line.
Keep it going without trying too hard
A good reply does three things: it answers what they said, adds a little of your own, and leaves something to pick up.
Them: It went fine, I think. I stalled once.
You: Once is nothing, I stalled at a roundabout with a bus behind me. When do you find out?
Match their pace roughly. If they write two lines, write two lines. If they take an hour, you do not need to reply in ten seconds, but do not time it either. Waiting on purpose to seem busy is a game, and it is tiring for both of you. There is more on this in how to keep a text conversation going.
Showing you like them
You do not need a speech. Interest shows in small, steady ways.
- Remember things. Their exam, their dog's name, the trip on Friday.
- Be specific when you say something nice. About what they did or said, before how they look.
- Say it lightly. One warm line, then carry on.
You were really funny tonight, by the way. The impression of Mr Hale nearly killed me.
I like talking to you. That's all. Carry on.
If you want to tell them outright, keep it short and leave them room.
I'll just say it: I like you, and not only as a friend. No pressure at all. I'd rather you knew than keep wondering.
Then stop typing. Do not send three more messages explaining the first.
From texting to a plan
Texting is for getting to know someone enough to want to see them. After a few days of easy back and forth, suggest something small and specific.
You keep mentioning that ramen place. Want to go on Saturday?
How to ask someone out over text has the wording for different situations, including what to say if they are busy.
If they do not reply, or say no
People get busy, so one quiet day means nothing. If a few days pass, one light follow-up is fine.
No worries if you're snowed under. Hope the week's going OK.
If that gets no answer either, that is your answer. Do not send a third message, do not ask why, and do not ask their friends. It stings, and it is still better than texting someone who does not want to hear from you.
If they say they are not interested, thank them for being straight and leave it.
Fair enough, thanks for telling me. See you around.
Then keep to it. Being easy about a no is the thing people remember well about you.
What to avoid
- "Hey" and "wyd". They put all the work on the other person.
- A wall of text. If it is longer than their last three messages together, cut it.
- Compliments about their body. From someone they do not know well, it lands badly.
- Games. Making them jealous, going silent to see if they chase, pretending not to care. If it works, you have started on a lie.
- Texting when you would not normally. Two in the morning after a night out is how the message you regret gets sent.
- Writing by committee. A friend's opinion helps. Six friends rewriting one text makes it sound like nobody.
- Pushing. "Why aren't you answering?" has never made anyone want to answer.
Doing it with Hemmingway
If you know what you want to say and cannot get the words right, the text reply generator can help. Paste the message they sent, say in your own rough words what you want to answer, and add who they are to you. It writes a short reply the way a person texts, using only what you gave it.
Read it before you send it, and change anything that does not sound like you. It does not know your crush and it cannot tell you whether they like you. It should be you they are talking to, so use it to get unstuck, not to write every message. There is a free trial with no card needed.
Try HemmingwayDownload the app
Common questions
What should I text my crush first?
Text something small and true that they can answer: a thing that reminded you of them, a question about something they know, or a follow-up on what they told you last time. One or two lines is plenty. Avoid "hey" on its own.
How do I start a conversation with my crush over text if we never talk?
Say who you are and give a reason for writing, such as a shared class, a mutual friend or something they mentioned. "Hi, it's Dev from Thursday's class, could you send me the notes I missed?" is normal and easy to answer. Build from there.
How long should I wait to text my crush back?
Reply when you see it and have something to say. You do not need to answer within seconds, and you should not wait on purpose to look busy. Roughly matching their pace is enough.
What do I do if my crush doesn't text back?
Give it a few days, then send one light follow-up if you want to. If there is still no reply, stop. Silence after two messages is an answer, and texting again makes it harder for both of you.
How do I tell my crush I like them over text?
Say it in one or two plain sentences and take the pressure off: "I like you, and not only as a friend. No pressure, I just wanted you to know." Then wait. In person is often better if you see them regularly, but a clear text is fine.
Should I text my crush every day?
Only if the conversation is going both ways. If they start chats too and answer with more than a word, daily is fine. If you are always the one starting, ease off and see whether they come to you.