A father of the bride speech does four things in about five minutes. It welcomes everyone, shows who your daughter is through one or two stories, welcomes her partner into the family, and ends with a toast to the couple. Aim for 500 to 650 words. You usually speak first, so you set the tone for everyone after you. Nobody expects a performance. They expect a proud parent, speaking plainly.
The order, and how long each part takes
- Welcome and thanks. (About 45 seconds.) Say who you are. Welcome the guests, and your new in-laws by name. Thank the people who travelled far and anyone who made the day happen.
- Your daughter. (About two minutes.) One story from when she was small and one from her adult life. This is the part only you can give.
- Her partner. (About a minute.) The first time you met them, what you have seen since, and a plain welcome to the family.
- A wish. (20 to 30 seconds.) One hope for them, or one piece of advice. One.
- The toast. (15 seconds.) Ask the room to stand. Both names.
The host's part
Keep the welcome short and specific. "Thank you all for coming" is fine. "Thank you to Jamie's aunt and uncle, who flew in from Toronto on Thursday and have not yet been allowed to sleep" is better, because it shows you know who is in the room.
Do not thank the caterer, the florist and the band one by one. If the couple planned the day themselves, give them the credit.
If someone who should be there has died, say so early, in one or two sentences, and then let the speech lift again:
Ellie's grandmother would have loved today, and she would have had opinions about the flowers. We are thinking of her.
If you and the bride's mother are no longer together, thank her by name all the same. If a step-parent helped raise your daughter, name them too. The room notices who is left out.
Finding the stories: one trait, two ages
The easiest way to write the middle is to pick one thing about your daughter that has never changed, and show it twice: once as a child, once as an adult. Stubbornness. Kindness to anything with four legs. The need to be in charge of the map.
To find it, answer these:
- What was she like at five that she still is today?
- What did she insist on as a child?
- When did she last surprise you?
- When did you first realise she was an adult, and better at something than you?
- What happened the first time you met her partner? What did they do, exactly?
- What is different about her when they are in the room?
Ask her mother, her brothers and sisters, and the oldest family friend you have. Get the photo albums down. You are looking for two small scenes, each of which you can tell in under a minute.
Be careful with her teenage years. Stories from thirteen to nineteen are funny to parents and mortifying to the person in the white dress.
A worked example
Graham is speaking at the wedding of his daughter Ellie to Jamie.
The opening:
Good afternoon, everyone. I'm Graham, Ellie's dad. On behalf of Linda and myself, welcome, and thank you for coming. Some of you crossed an ocean to be here, and we are very glad you did.
The story, at two ages:
When Ellie was six, she announced she was going to swim a length of the pool. She could not swim. She got in anyway, every Saturday, for eleven weeks, and swallowed about half of it.
On the twelfth Saturday she did it. She climbed out, looked at me, and said, "What's next?"
She has been saying "what's next" ever since. A degree. A move to Glasgow. A marathon, which I still don't understand. I stopped worrying about her a long time ago. I just try to keep up.
To her partner, and the close:
Jamie, the first time you came to our house, the dog sat on your feet for the whole of lunch. She likes nobody. You did not move for two hours. We noticed, and you have been part of this family since that afternoon.
Ellie, I have been proud of you every day of your life. Today I get to say it into a microphone.
Would you all please stand and raise a glass. To Ellie and Jamie.
The swimming pool and the marathon are the same girl. Jamie gets a real memory in place of a general compliment. The line to Ellie is one sentence, which is all it needs to be.
What to leave out
- Her life in order. Birth, school, university, first job. That is a record, not a speech. Two scenes are enough.
- "Giving her away", "taking her off my hands", "losing a daughter". She is not being handed over.
- What the wedding cost. Not even as a joke.
- Warnings to her partner. "Look after her, or else" gets a thin laugh and makes your new son-in-law or daughter-in-law the outsider.
- Old boyfriends.
- A lecture on marriage. One sentence of advice is charming. Five minutes of it is a sermon.
- Yourself. Your own wedding, your career and your golf can wait.
- A speech with no partner in it. If her partner appears only in the toast, write the third part again.
If you are not exactly "the father of the bride"
The same structure works for a mother, a stepfather, a grandfather, a brother or an old family friend standing in. Say in your first line who you are to her, and carry on. If two sets of parents are speaking, agree who does the welcome so the guests are thanked once. The general guide to writing a wedding speech has notes on the other roles.
Giving it
Going first is the easy slot. The room is fresh and wants you to do well.
- Wait until people are seated and have a drink. Ask whoever is running the day to introduce you, so you do not have to call for quiet yourself.
- Read from a full script. Print it in large type with a line space between sentences. Bring your reading glasses.
- Practise aloud, to someone who is not your daughter. Time it. If it runs over six minutes, cut a story and keep the welcome to her partner.
- Expect your voice to catch on the line to her. Stop, breathe, look at her, and say it. That pause is often the moment people remember.
- Give the room time to stand. Say "please stand", wait for the chairs to stop scraping, then say the names. The guide to giving a toast covers this.
Writing it with Hemmingway
If the stories are clear in your head and the sentences are not, the father of the bride speech generator will draft it. Give it your daughter's name and her partner's, a memory of her growing up as you would tell it over dinner, what you like about her partner, the people to welcome or thank, and how long you want to speak. It is told to use only the facts you give it.
Read the draft aloud and change anything that does not sound like you. Check every name twice, the in-laws' above all. You can save the finished speech as a PDF and print it for the day.
Try HemmingwayDownload the app
Common questions
How long should a father of the bride speech be?
About five minutes, which is 500 to 650 words at an easy pace. Less is fine. If it runs past six or seven minutes, the speakers after you lose the room's attention before they start.
What does the father of the bride say in his speech?
He welcomes the guests and his new in-laws, tells one or two stories that show who his daughter is, welcomes her partner into the family, offers a wish for their marriage and proposes a toast to the couple.
How do you start a father of the bride speech?
Say who you are and welcome everyone, in two or three sentences. Thank people who have travelled and name your new in-laws. Then move straight to your daughter, because that is what the room is waiting for.
Does the father of the bride speak first?
Traditionally, yes. In the usual British order he speaks first, then the groom, then the best man. Plenty of couples change the order or the speakers, so ask them what they have planned.
Who does the father of the bride toast?
The couple. Ask everyone to stand, raise your glass and say both of their names. Traditionally the wording is "the bride and groom", but their names are warmer and work for every couple.