To give a toast, stand up, say who you are toasting and why in one sentence, add one specific thing about them, and finish with "To" and their name as you raise your glass. The whole thing takes between twenty seconds and two minutes. A toast is one thought with a glass at the end of it. If you need longer than two minutes, you are giving a speech, and that is a different job.
The four beats
- Get the room. Stand. Say "Could I have everyone for a minute?" and wait until it is quiet.
- Name them, and your link to them. "I'd like to say a word about Joan, who has sat opposite me for eleven years."
- One specific thing. A story you can tell in three sentences, or one quality with the proof.
- The wish and the raise. "So please raise your glasses. To Joan."
Beat 3 is the only part that takes any writing. The other three are the same every time.
How long, by occasion
| Occasion | Who usually gives it | How long | It ends with |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wedding | A friend or relative, or the best man and maid of honor at the end of their speeches | One to two minutes | "To" and both names |
| Birthday | A partner, a child or an old friend | Under a minute | "To" their name, then "happy birthday" |
| Retirement or leaving do | A manager or the closest colleague | One to two minutes | "To" their name |
| Dinner | A guest, to the host | Twenty seconds | "To" the host |
| Work milestone | Whoever led it | Under a minute | "To the team" |
Write the last line first
Everything in a toast leads to its last line, so decide that first. What are you wishing them? "To Joan, and to Tuesdays with nothing in the diary." Then work backwards. What one story earns that line?
To find it, ask yourself:
- What did they do lately that was completely typical of them?
- What would everyone in this room nod at?
- What do I want to thank them for?
- What is the occasion really about? For a birthday, the year they have had. For a host, tonight. For a couple, how they are together. For a team, what got done and who did it.
Choose one answer. A toast with two stories in it is a speech that ran out of time.
Examples
At a wedding, as a friend
Could I borrow everyone for one minute. I'm Femi, and I lived next door to Laura for six years.
In that time she fed my cat, signed for about two hundred parcels, and once talked me out of a haircut through the letterbox.
Laura, Kit, I hope your new neighbours know how lucky they are. Everyone, please raise a glass. To Laura and Kit.
A parent's birthday
Mum, you are seventy today. Last week you were up a ladder clearing my gutters, because you said I'd been "meaning to" for long enough.
You were right. You usually are.
Everyone, to Mum. Happy birthday.
At dinner, to the host
Before we start, a quick one. Ines, you have had nine people in a kitchen built for two, and somehow everything is hot at the same time. To Ines.
At work
Short toast, I promise. Six weeks ago this launch was a whiteboard and a lot of worried faces. It went out on Friday because Dev rebuilt the checkout twice and Marta answered every support ticket herself. To the team.
At a retirement
Geoff, thirty years ago you showed a nervous new starter where the good mugs were hidden. I was that starter. You have been showing people where things are ever since, and on Monday we are all going to be lost. To Geoff.
Each one has a name, one picture and a last line the room can repeat. None of them lists virtues.
What to do with the glass, and everything else
- Check people have a drink before you start. At a big event, ask the staff to top up first. Any drink counts. Water is fine.
- Stand, unless the table is small. At a table of six you can stay seated and lean in.
- Get attention with your voice. Tapping a glass with a knife is traditional, loud, and a good way to chip the glass. Standing up and waiting works.
- Hold the glass at chest height while you talk, in the hand you do not wave about. Keep it still.
- Look at the person you are toasting for the words that are to them. Look round the room for "please raise your glasses".
- Raise the glass on the last line, to about eye level, and say the name clearly. The room will say it back, so give them something short.
- Then take a sip. At a large table there is no need to clink with everyone. Raise, nod, drink.
- Leave the notes behind. A toast is short enough to remember as four beats. If you are nervous, write four words on a card and keep it in your pocket.
If the toast is to you, the old rule is simple. Stay seated, do not drink to yourself, smile, and say thank you when it is over. You can then raise your glass back to the room.
What to avoid
- Letting it grow. The second story is where toasts go wrong.
- A long run-up. "I wasn't going to say anything, but" and "for those of you who don't know me" can both go. Say your name and begin.
- Teasing that needs a set-up. A toast is too short for a roast. If you want to tease the groom at length, write a best man speech.
- In-jokes. The whole room has to be able to drink to it.
- Asking people to raise their glasses at the start. Arms get tired. Ask at the end.
- Making it up after the third drink. Decide your last line before you arrive.
- Toasting someone who hates attention for two minutes. Give them fifteen seconds and mean it.
Writing one with Hemmingway
If you know what you want to say and not how to make it short, the toast generator writes it from a few notes. Tell it the occasion, who the toast is for, how you know them and the one story or detail you want in it. It is told to use only what you give it.
Say the result aloud once before you use it. A toast has to fit in your mouth, so change any phrase you stumble on. For a longer farewell, see how to write a retirement speech.
Try HemmingwayDownload the app
Common questions
What do you say when you give a toast?
Say who you are toasting and how you know them, one short story or specific thing about them, and a wish. End with "To" and their name as you raise your glass. Three or four sentences are enough.
How long should a toast be?
Between twenty seconds and two minutes. A toast at dinner can be two sentences. At a wedding or a retirement, a minute or two is right. Anything longer is a speech and needs a different structure.
Do you stand up to give a toast?
At a large gathering, yes, because standing is what gets the room's attention and lets people hear you. At a small table you can stay seated. Guests usually stay seated and raise their glasses, unless you ask them to stand.
Who gives the first toast?
By tradition the host gives the first toast, to welcome the guests or to honour the person the event is for. At a dinner, a guest may then toast the host. At a wedding the couple decide who speaks and in what order.
Do you drink when the toast is to you?
Traditionally, no. You stay seated, keep your glass on the table while the others drink, and thank them afterwards. You can then raise your own glass to the room in return.
Can you give a toast without alcohol?
Yes. A toast is about the words and the raised glass, not what is in it. Water, juice or a soft drink is fine, and nobody should be pressed to drink alcohol for a toast.