A best man speech is about four minutes long and has three jobs: make the room laugh at the groom, make the room like the groom, and toast the couple. Open with who you are and one light line, tell one or two short stories that tease him and end up showing him at his best, say something true to his partner, then ask everyone to stand. About 500 words is enough. Tease first, praise last.
If you are speaking in another role, the guide to writing a wedding speech covers the shape all wedding speeches share. This page is only about the best man's.
The shape, part by part
| Part | What goes in it | How long |
|---|---|---|
| Opening | Your name, how you know the groom, one light line | 30 seconds |
| The tease | One or two stories where he is harmlessly, typically himself | 90 seconds |
| The turn | The same man at his best: a time he turned up for someone | 45 seconds |
| His partner | When you met them, and what changed in him | 45 seconds |
| The toast | One sincere line, then both names | 20 seconds |
That comes to just under four minutes. Three is fine. Past five, the room starts looking at the cake.
The order matters more than the jokes. The teasing works because the praise comes after it. A speech that is all jokes sounds as if you don't like him, and a speech that is all praise sounds like a job reference.
Three things to ask before you write
- How long, and when? Ask the couple. Knowing who speaks before you tells you what not to repeat.
- Is anything off limits? Ask the groom, and believe the answer.
- Is there anything else you are expected to do? Some couples want the best man to thank the bridesmaids, or to read out messages from people who could not come.
How to find the stories
Do not start by trying to be funny. Start by remembering. Write quick answers to these, without judging them:
- The first time you met him, and what you thought.
- A time he was completely, typically himself.
- Something he is famously bad at that does no harm. Directions. Cooking. Losing at board games.
- A time he turned up for you when it mattered.
- What he was like before he met his partner, and what is different now.
- The first time he mentioned them to you, and what he said.
Then ask two other people: someone in his family, and a friend from a different part of his life. Scroll back through the photos on your phone. You want ten possible stories so that you can throw eight away.
Keep a story only if it passes all four of these:
- You can tell it in under a minute.
- It needs no explaining. If the room had to be there, leave it out.
- His partner's grandmother could enjoy it.
- It ends with him looking good, or you can make it end that way.
The last test is the whole craft. The teasing story and the kind story are often the same trait seen twice. The man who refuses to call a mechanic is also the man who drives through the night when you need him.
A worked example
Joel is best man for Rob, his old flatmate, who is marrying Freya.
The opening:
Good evening, everyone. I'm Joel. Rob and I shared a flat for three years, which means I know exactly how long he believes a towel can go without being washed.
Freya, I'm sorry. I should have said something sooner.
The story, with its turn:
In our second year, Rob's car broke down outside Carlisle at two in the morning. He didn't ring the breakdown service. He rang me, because he had watched a video and decided we could fix it ourselves.
We could not. We sat on the hard shoulder until six, sharing a bag of crisps he found under the seat.
Three years later my dad was in hospital. I hadn't asked anyone for anything. At midnight there was a knock at the door, and it was Rob, who had driven two hundred miles, holding a bag of crisps.
That is who you are marrying, Freya. He will not fix your car. He will always turn up.
The close:
Freya, he has been calmer, kinder and noticeably cleaner since he met you. On behalf of everyone who has lived with him, thank you.
Would you all please stand. To Rob and Freya.
There is no list of his qualities, no quote about marriage and no joke found online. One flaw, one night, one turn, and a line for Freya about what she has done for him.
What to leave out
- The stag do, or bachelor party. All of it.
- Exes, his or anyone's.
- Jokes about his partner. The groom is the target. His partner gets a warm, specific line.
- Jokes from the internet. The room has heard them at other weddings.
- Nicknames and in-jokes. A nickname that needs a paragraph of background is not worth the paragraph.
- Yourself. You are in the stories as the witness. If the speech is mostly about your friendship, it is the wrong speech.
- Anything you would have to apologise for on Monday.
If you are not a naturally funny person, do not write a comedy set. A warm speech with one light line in it goes down better than five jokes told in fear. If you want a line about one particular habit of his, the joke generator will write one from the true details you give it. Keep it only if it sounds like you.
On the day
You will probably speak late, to a room that has eaten, had a drink and already heard two speeches. Plan for that.
- Save your own drinking for afterwards. Eat the meal.
- Test the microphone before the guests sit down, and hold it near your chin, not your chest.
- Number your cards. Put the first few words of each part on its own card, in big letters. If you drop them, the numbers save you. Learn only the first line and the toast by heart.
- Let them laugh. Wait until the laugh has passed its peak before you go on. If a joke gets nothing, carry straight on and never comment on it.
- Choose where to look. At the groom for the teasing, at his partner for the thanks, at the whole room for the toast.
- Fill your glass before you stand. You need it at the end, and there is no graceful way to go looking for one. The guide to giving a toast covers those last ten seconds.
Writing it with Hemmingway
The best man speech generator drafts the speech from your notes. Give it the groom's name and his partner's, how you know him, your two stories in rough words, one true thing about the two of them together, the length you want, and how funny it should be. It is told to use only what you give it, so the stories have to be real and they have to be yours.
Then read the draft aloud and change every line you would not say. Check each name and place. A model can get a detail wrong and sound sure of it, and everyone in that room knows how to spell the bride's name.
Try HemmingwayDownload the app
Common questions
How long should a best man speech be?
Three to five minutes, which is about 400 to 650 words at an easy speaking pace. Four minutes is a good target. If the couple have given you a time, keep to it.
How do you start a best man speech?
Say your name and how you know the groom, then one light line about him or about the two of you. Do not open with an apology for being nervous or a dictionary definition. The first laugh should come inside the first thirty seconds, and it should be at something true.
What should a best man not say in his speech?
Leave out the stag do, exes, anything sexual, jokes at his partner's expense, the cost of the wedding and any story that needs explaining. If you are unsure about a line, ask the groom or cut it.
Does a best man speech have to be funny?
No. It has to be warm and specific. One or two light moments are enough, and a sincere speech told well is remembered longer than a string of jokes. Write the speech you can give comfortably.
When does the best man give his speech?
It depends on the couple. In the traditional British order he speaks last, after the father of the bride and the groom. At other weddings he speaks alongside the maid of honor, before or after the meal. Ask the couple or whoever is running the day.