When someone loses a pet, say you are sorry, use the animal's name, and say one thing you remember about it. "I'm so sorry about Biscuit. He was such a good dog" is enough. Treat it as a death in the household, because to them it was. Do not mention getting another.
Someone grieving a pet may feel foolish for being so upset, or may have been told they should not be. Your message can tell them it makes sense.
What to say
- Say sorry, and use the name. "I'm so sorry about Pepper."
- One thing about the animal. A habit, a look, the day it stole the Sunday roast.
- What they gave it. "She had the best life with you." This matters, because guilt comes with losing a pet: over the timing, the cost, the decision.
- Nothing that fixes it. No bright side and no plan for a new one. An offer of company is fine.
Two or three sentences by text is right. A card is welcome too.
Examples
A close friend
I'm so sorry about Biscuit. Fourteen years of stolen socks and sleeping on your feet. The flat must feel so quiet. I'm coming round on Saturday with food, and we can talk about him or not.
Oh no, not Pepper. I'm so sorry. She was the best dog and she knew it. I'm around all evening if you want to ring.
I know he wasn't "just a cat". He was there through the move, the breakup and every bad day since. Of course you're in bits. I'm so sorry.
When they had the pet put to sleep
This is the hardest kind, because they had to decide. Tell them it was a kind decision. Do not ask whether anything else could have been done.
I'm so sorry you had to make that call for Monty. It was the last kind thing you could do for him, and you did it. He was with the person he loved most.
You gave her a good life and a gentle end. Nobody could have loved that dog more.
A sudden loss
An accident, a short illness, a young animal.
I'm so sorry. What a shock, and so unfair. You gave her a lovely home, and she was happy every day she was in it.
A coworker
Short and kind, and said quietly. Do not make a fuss in front of other people.
I was sorry to hear about your cat. Fifteen years is a long time to share a home with someone. Thinking of you today.
Sorry about Dexter. I always liked hearing what he'd chewed over the weekend. Go easy on yourself this week.
Family
An older parent or relative who lived alone with the animal has lost their daily company as well.
Dad, I'm so sorry about Bess. I know she was with you every hour of the day, and the house won't be the same. I'll ring every evening this week, and I'm coming up on Sunday.
A brother or sister, about the pet you grew up with:
I can't believe Tilly's gone. She was there for every Christmas since I was twelve. I'm glad you were with her. Thank you for looking after her right to the end.
A child
Use the word "died". "Put to sleep" and "went away" can frighten or confuse a small child. Let them be sad, and be sad with them.
I'm sad about Nibbles too. He was a lovely hamster and you looked after him really well. It's all right to miss him for a long time. Shall we find a photo of him for your wall?
Someone you barely know
A neighbour, a client, someone you only know from the park.
I was very sorry to hear about Rufus. I always enjoyed seeing the two of you on your morning walk. Thinking of you.
In a card
Thinking of you as you miss Luna. She was lucky to have you, and you were lucky to have her.
So sorry about Oscar. Eighteen years of being adored is a good life for any cat. With love.
All of this goes for a horse, a rabbit, a parrot or a rat as much as for a dog. Do not rank animals. If they loved it, it counts.
What not to say
- "It was only a dog." Or a cat, or "just a pet". This is the one people do not forget.
- "Are you going to get another?" Not for weeks, and only if they bring it up.
- "At least it wasn't a person." They know. It still hurts.
- "He was old, he had a good run." True, and no comfort on the day.
- "Couldn't the vet have done something?" Any question about the treatment, the cost or the timing feeds the guilt.
- "I know how you feel, when mine died." One short line to say you have been through it is fine. Your whole story is not.
- "Still upset?" A fortnight later, yes.
- The Rainbow Bridge, unless they mention it first. Some people love it and some do not.
- A surprise new pet. Never, however kindly meant.
What helps besides words
- Send a photo you have of the animal. They may never have seen it.
- Offer company at the time of day that is now empty: the morning walk, the evening on the sofa.
- Remember the name, and use it weeks later.
- If they ask, help with the practical things: the bed, the food, the lead by the door. Move nothing unasked.
A few weeks on:
Thinking of you. I walked through the park this morning and half expected to see Rufus at the gate. How are you doing?
Writing it with Hemmingway
If you cannot find a first line, the pet loss message generator can help. Tell it who you are writing to, the pet's name and what kind of animal it was, and one thing you remember. It works only from what you tell it, so it will not make up a memory. Read the result, change anything that does not sound like you, and send it yourself. There is a free trial with no card needed.
For the death of a person, see what to say when someone dies and what to write in a sympathy card.
Try HemmingwayDownload the app
Common questions
What do you say when someone's dog dies?
Say you are sorry, use the dog's name, and mention one thing you remember, such as how he greeted people at the door. "I'm so sorry about Biscuit. He was such a happy dog, and he had the best life with you" is enough.
What do you text someone who lost a pet?
Send two or three sentences as soon as you hear: that you are sorry, the pet's name, and that they do not need to reply. Offer a call or a visit if you can, and do not ask what happened.
What do you say when someone has to put their pet down?
Tell them it was a kind decision and the last thing they could do for the animal. "You gave her a good life and a gentle end" helps with the guilt. Do not ask about other treatments or whether it was the right time.
What should you not say when someone loses a pet?
Do not say it was only an animal, do not ask about getting another, and do not look for a bright side with "at least". Avoid questions about the vet or the cost, and do not expect them to be over it in a week.
Should you send a sympathy card for a pet?
Yes, if you know them well enough to have known the animal's name. A card for a pet is rare, so it is noticed. Two lines, with the name and one memory, is all it needs.
What do you say to a child whose pet has died?
Be honest and simple: say the pet has died, that it is all right to be sad, and that you are sad too. Avoid "went to sleep" and "went away". Suggest something to do together, such as choosing a photo or drawing a picture.